When Thinking and Doing Isn’t Enough: The Emotional Access Point to Realign

Last week, we explored how to break free from impossible dilemmas by using behaviour as an access point to realign your life. We looked at how taking small, deliberate actions can signal safety to your brain and change your beliefs over time.

But what happens when the block isn't something you can just "do" your way out of?

We have all experienced moments where we intellectually understand the problem (Cognitive), and we are doing all the right things on paper (Behavioural), yet we still feel stuck, anxious, or unfulfilled.

In these moments, the misalignment is usually rooted in the third pillar: Emotion.

The Trap of "Thinking" Your Feelings

In our education-focused, high-performance world, we are often taught to treat emotions as puzzles to be solved or inconveniences to be suppressed. We try to "out-think" our anxiety or "work through" our sadness.

I often ask my clients to imagine this scenario: If I handed you a tape measure and asked, "Could you please give me the precise measure of that sofa's weight?", could you do it?

Obviously not. You cannot measure weight with a ruler. It is the wrong tool for the job.

Yet, this is exactly what we do when we apply logic to emotion. Cognition is an incredible tool for planning and analysing, but it is the wrong instrument for processing the weight of our emotional self. When we try to "measure" our feelings with our thoughts, we end up with a mismatch that leads to frustration.

Consider this example. You have just been offered a significant promotion.

• Cognitively: You know you are qualified and have earned this.

• Behaviourally: You accept the role and show up early every day.

• Emotionally: You are paralyzed by a knot of dread in your stomach, convinced you are going to be "found out" as a fraud.

In this scenario, no amount of extra work (behaviour) or looking at your CV (cognition) will soothe that dread. In fact, trying to ignore the emotion creates a friction that leads to burnout. The pillars are fighting each other.

Emotion as the Access Point 

Just as we used behaviour to influence our thoughts last week, we can use emotion to settle our behaviours and thoughts today.

The goal here is not to "fix" the emotion, but to process it. When we refuse to feel an emotion, it gets stuck in the body, acting as a constant alarm bell that overrides our logic. When we essentially "metabolize" the emotion, the alarm turns off, and the other two pillars naturally realign.

How to Do It 

Using emotion as an access point is subtle. It requires shifting from "doing" to "being." Here is how you can apply this to the promotion example above, or any area where you feel an internal conflict:

• Locate the Sensation: Instead of analyzing why you are anxious, find where the anxiety lives. Is it a tightness in the throat? A heaviness in the chest? A heat in the face?

• Name without Judgment: Acknowledge the feeling simply. "I am noticing a tightness in my chest." Do not attach a story to it (e.g., "I am tight because I am weak"). Just name the raw data.

• Stay with the Wave: This is the hardest part. Most of us distract ourselves the moment a feeling becomes uncomfortable. Instead, grant yourself 90 seconds to just sit with that sensation. Breathe into the tightness. Watch it shift.

Conclusion 

By allowing the emotion to exist and be felt, you stop the internal war. You send a signal to your nervous system that you are safe.

Once that emotional knot loosens, you will find that your cognitive belief ("I am qualified") finally lands, and your behaviour ("working hard") feels effortless rather than manic.

So, if you find yourself stuck this week, and the "doing" isn't working, try feeling. It might just be the shortcut you have been looking for.