“BUT, HOW DOC?”: THE FRUSTRATION OF INSIGHT WITHOUT ACTION

If you are stuck in what feels like an impossible dilemma, read on to learn how to realign your efforts for a smoother, more satisfying life experience.

Most talk therapy revolves around talk, as the name aptly implies. Talking is a cognitive-heavy task and when we unpack it, we realise there are many, many smaller processes, internal and external, required to appropriately convey the meaning of our thoughts and emotions.

As we navigate our way through a session, insights and understanding often emerge first. Whether they do because of the style of the therapist, the curiosity of the client or other reasons can vary, but in my experience they more often do. With these insights, clients begin to wonder, “intellectually I get it, but how? How do I do that?”

Imagine the frustration when you finally land on a profound insight and you realise you have no knowledge or tools to now embark on that necessary journey. Couple that with the way most of us get educated, focused on maximising the physical and intellectual nature of our lives, and you can see how urgently the client wants to learn the ingredients and the recipe to get there.

While it is perfectly fine to let go of the urgency to get there now and fix everything once and for all, it is equally important to provide some direction, so that we can move towards a better state and feel encouraged by the progress.

The Three Pillars of Realignment

When the required change is internal, like changing a core limiting belief, I like to break the approach down by three fundamental pillars of human existence: cognitive, emotional and behavioural.

Let’s say you are experiencing some financial struggles due to life and family costs going considerably up, while salaries remaining stagnant since pre-covid. After speaking to your therapist, you realise that you still carry a limiting belief about money. Perhaps you grew up believing money is evil, or that it is wrong to ask for financial help, or that wanting money is greedy; regardless, you realised during therapy that your limiting belief is curtailing your opportunities to grow your family income.

While this type of insight can be very powerful, it is not enough to enact change. For example, you may now realise that money, like any other instrument, is not intrinsically evil, and as long as you use it in line with your healthy values, it can be a power for good. However, despite the understanding, you may still believe that it is evil, and strongly refuse to enact behaviours that would help you grow your income.

Notice how what you think (cognition), coexists with how you feel (emotional) and how you act (behavioural). In an ideal world, these three pillars would be aligned and in accordance with each other. When they are aligned, life in that domain feels smooth, almost effortless. When they are not, life can feel like a perennial, impossible dilemma.

Behaviour as the Access Point

To help you, here is a simple approach to facilitating realignment. Remember that the three pillars are all connected to the same core, therefore, regardless of which of the three pillars you use as an access point to enact your change, you will eventually reach the core, and whatever change is made there, it will flow back to the other pillars.

Working with the previous example, now that you understood that you intellectually accept the utility of money, but still hold limiting beliefs about it, you may realise that you exhibit behaviours designed to fulfil your belief that money is evil.

Therefore, while you may not know how to specifically change a belief, especially one so deeply rooted that was planted there many years ago, you can work on changing your behaviours, so to align to healthier choices.

For example, if your subconscious belief is that money is evil, your behaviour may involve avoiding any steps to grow your income, ignoring investment opportunities, or quickly spending any surplus money you earn. You may even self-sabotage a request for a raise.

To start the realignment, you could choose a behavioural access point. This means actively choosing a small, deliberate action that contradicts the limiting belief. You might:

1. Ask for a consultation with a financial advisor (an action showing you believe managing money is responsible, not evil).

2. Track your weekly spending to establish a sense of control (an action that replaces the belief that money controls you).

3. Allocate a small, fixed percentage of your income to a future goal (an action showing money is an instrument for good).

By consistently performing these new behaviours, you are sending a powerful signal to your emotional and cognitive self that the old belief is no longer useful or true. As the change flows from behaviour back to the cognitive core, the intellectual insight finally translates into a genuine, felt, and lasting transformation.

Conclusion

Similarly, there may be other occasions where accessing the dilemma from the emotional, may be the easiest and most expedient thing to do.

In conclusion, as long as you remember that you can access and influence any of your desired changes from multiple access points that connect to each other, you may find easier and easier answers to the very common question, “but how doc?”

Start with a small, conscious action today, the path to a smoother, more satisfying life is already within your reach.