This short reflection was inspired by a BBC article I read today (link below).
I once saw a young married couple. They came in as they were trying to conceive, unsuccessfully.
Soon after the first session begun, we were talking about what they perceived being the issues.
They answered by talking about what they liked or didn't like doing together sexually. The conversation moved to oral sex and I asked the wife if oral sex was something she enjoyed.
The husband burst out into a loud, scorning laugh, and after a short pause said, "she doesn't even know what that is!"
She literally froze.
It turns out he was right. On further investigation I found they both lacked the most basic understanding of sexual knowledge. They did not know the correct terminology and they did not know their bodies.
You may be asking yourself, "why did he not tell her what 'oral sex' meant?" Because they were ashamed of talking about sex with each other.
Perhaps a fool-proof approach would have been to just search on the internet. Nope! They felt it was unacceptable for them to do such a dirty and sinful thing as to look for sexually related content, albeit for educational purposes.
Of course, this is an extreme case, but one that drives home a point.
We are miserable failing our society by providing limited or no sexual education that is appropriate and commensurate to the behaviours humans, young and not so young engage in.
Many people lack the basic information to enjoy a healthy, fun and pleasurable sexual experience. And often, those who use the internet, learn from porn, which is entertainment and NOT EDUCATION.
While there are progressive producers who use this medium for education purposes also, the majority of porn is not an appropriate source for sexual education.
And some of the impact is obvious in this article.
I certainly agree with this teacher that "it will need a revolution" to change, but I don't agree that "we can blame a lot of things on the porn industry".
How about the Governments that continue to apply backward policies? What about religious institutions that continue to victimise people for being who they are sexually? What about parents and families who would rather pretend sex does not exist and choose to completely ignore a dialogue with their children? How about the educational institutions that continue to predicate abstinence as the only right way or who limit their education to pregnancy and STIs prevention?
Aren't all of them in a way limiting the options that youth have to learn about sex and relationships?
Let's open up the debate, let's sit down and discuss it maturely and openly. We can help limit many cases of unwanted sexual attention, pregnancies and diseases. And most importantly we can educate people to enjoy a fun, relaxed and pleasurable sexual life, whatever its shape or form.
Thank you for reading my article.
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