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Introduction To Anal Sex (Ask Me Anything Series)

It is no surprise that Anal Sex was the most voted questions on our new anonymous question board Ask Me Anything (read our question board here).

If you are wondering what this is all about, visit the post where I launched the Ask Me Anything board.

The question that was posted is this, "I want to introduce anal with my partner, how should I go about it?".

Men and women alike are curious about anal sex and many would like to introduce it in their relationship, but don’t know how to go about it.

Today I share some considerations on introducing anal sex into your relationship.

Assuming there are no medical conditions to contend with, everyone has the potential to engage in fun, exciting and satisfying anal sex.

Let’s first address some myths.


Probably one of the most frequent questions is related to anal sex and pain.

Much of the hype is just that, hype. In a similar way in which we are fed the belief that giving birth is painful, we are also fed the belief that anal sex is painful.

Sure, they both can be painful, but I assure you it does not have to be.

When it is painful, it is either because it is not being done right or because there is a psychological expectation of pain, which facilitates its appearance.

Continue reading to learn how to minimise the possibility of pain.


Likely the second most asked question is the one about safety.

All sexual activities carry a degree of risk, and anal sex is no different.

A key risk linked to anal sex is unnecessary friction. The lining in the rectum is more delicate than that of the vagina and is not equipped with the same ability to lubricate. This can contribute to painful friction, as well as a higher chance of tears in the lining.

When we also consider that the function of anus and rectum relates to feces, it is easy to understand why anal sex has higher risks of spreading Sexually Transmitted Infections.

Continue reading to learn how to mitigate these risks.


Now that we have some of the popular questions addressed, let’s explore how to introduce it in your relationship.


The first key ingredient is communication. Nothing fancy or complicated, but assuming you already have an open sexual conversation with your partner, saying something like, “I have been thinking about anal sex recently and I was wondering what you think” or “I have been reading about anal sex lately and I was wondering if you would like to try” should be sufficient to get the conversation going.

If you have no sex-related conversation with your partner, it may feel a bit harder to start, but utterly doable.

Know that you posing similar questions does not equate to a demand and that you have to be prepared for your partner to says, “no, thank you” and respect their choice.

Also know, that we constantly change and a ‘no’ today may turn into a ‘yes’ tomorrow. Just keep the dialogue going.

Types of play

There are many forms of anal sex, here are some of them.


Rimming is the use of one's tongue on a partner's anus to stimulate pleasure.


Fingering is the use of ones finger(s) to sexually stimulate a partner's anus. Due to the size and control of one's fingers, this is an often recommended first step, which can be tried solo or with a partner.


The use of toys is also a common practice. From anal beads, to vibrators, to plugs, there is a large variety of anal toys, some even specifically designed for him or her.


Pegging is the sexual act of a woman wearing a strap-on-dildo to anally penetrate her partner.


Fisting is the activity of inserting a fist (real or a toy shaped as a fist) through the anus.


So, you’ve talked about it with your partner, you have begun to learn about some varieties of anal play, what else should you be thinking about?


The number one ingredient in the way you approach anal sex is patience.

Especially for those who are new to anal, it is highly likely that the rings of muscles around the anus will be naturally contracted. Being slow, patient and working on relaxing the sphincters (and your partner) is a sure winner.

Be gentle to begin with and consider testing the sensations by starting small and externally. Over time you can build a psychological acceptance of the sensations and learn that it can be fun and satisfying. This would help you further relax and sensitise your experience.


Because of the high concentration of bacteria and the impact of unnecessary friction, it is very important to put a barrier on anything intending to penetrate the anus.

Condoms are perfect for penises and toys. Surgical gloves are perfect for hands. Anything else, either make sure it is clean and sterile or be creative (you'd be surprised how far a condom stretches before breaking).

It is also advisable to avoid cross contamination by engaging in vaginal or oral sex immediately after anal penetration.


As previously mentioned the lining of the rectum is not as resilient as the one of the vagina. Further more, natural lubrication in this area is minimal when compared to the natural vaginal lubrication. Therefore it is highly recommended that you use a lubricant, lots of it.

You can do some research on line to look for the specific type you want, I like to recommend organic coconut oil, which is natural, does not impact the latex of condoms or gloves and is easier to clean than some of the silicone based products.


Emptying one’s bowels is obviously a wise move to take before anal sex, additionally it may be good to clean the rectum through a douche.

This is a technique that requires injecting tepid, clean water into the rectum and releasing it until the water is clear from impurities.

Again, a quick search on the internet should reveal the available options.

There would be a lot more to say, but as far as introduction goes, you have plenty enough to start exploring. Do so with openness, curiosity and patience.

Thank you for reading my article.

I base all my articles on real case studies and research findings that are relevant to my clients. If would like to read future posts, please join us here.

If you would like help with a similar challenge, you can book a free introductory consultation below and we can explore a way of working together.

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