Many men suffer in silence.
Global estimates suggest that up to 30% of men have distressing sexual experiences due to their ejaculation occurring earlier than they desire. It is called Premature Ejaculation (PE).
I would hazard that the real number is higher than 30%; it is just too difficult for many men to admit to such problems.
Growing up men are repeatedly told, openly or otherwise, to be tough. We are told that a “real” man is the one who gets up and keeps going, no matter how many times he gets knocked down. No pun intended…ok, maybe just a little one.
Unfortunately we translate this into hiding our emotions, because “big boys don’t cry”.
No one actually tells us that it is ok to cry, because you can still get up, dust yourself off and keep going after you cry. And who knows, if your fellow human beings see you cry, maybe they would even help. ;-)
Today’s reflections are an invite for men to reach out and stop the unnecessary, silent suffering.
Reach out to me, to a friend, a partner, a pastor or anyone you feel open with.
If you are a woman, you may find this useful, just in case you come across a partner or a friend who is looking for help.
PE is also referred to as rapid ejaculation, early climax or similar, but they all refer to the same phenomenon.
There are two types of PE, acquired and lifelong. Men with acquired PE have or have had sexual experiences without PE. Men with lifelong PE don’t know otherwise.
Either way, there is a lot we can do today to alleviate the distress PE causes.
PE is not driven by a specific pathology, however it is good to know that you are starting from a healthy base, especially if you have not had an examination for a long time.
Lifestyle plays a key role in most of our daily lives: health, work, recreation as well as sex. Eating healthily, exercising regularly, taking a balanced approach to managing your energy, are just a few of the adjustments that you could embed in your life to experience a healthier state overall.
As PE can also be linked to stress, lifestyle adjustments could positively contribute to improving your life overall.
From a behavioural perspective, you could also learn the two most popular techniques that have been shown to help men with PE: squeeze and stop-start. You can search on the Internet and find many related references.
Additionally, you could consider thicker condom, which help lower sensation on the head and shaft of the penis.
And you could learn relaxation and breathing techniques that help increase control of the body and circulate the sexual energy away from the genitals and into the rest of the body.
Now, I am not a proponent of medication and or pathologising conditions just for the sake of it, but I recognise that some men may look for the quick fix.
Medication can be hugely helpful, but remember that it often addresses the symptoms without addressing the causes.
Anti-depressant medication (the SSRI type) has been shown to delay climax and could help with PE.
Desensitising lotions, which numb sensations on the head and shaft of the penis, can also be used.
The psychological route is also crucial.
The first point to address psychologically is the belief that sex equals penetration. This is especially true for men, who have often internalised the belief that unless there is a hard penis and vaginal penetration, there is no sex.
Sex is much, much more than penis-vagina penetration and if only we could open up and educate ourselves to experience sex in its holistic sense, much of the pressure on obtaining and maintaining an erection would disappear.
Second important point is the status of one’s relationship. Whether single or partnered, the views one holds on relationships and their current status within them can play a big role in how we give and receive sex.
Finally, I wrote in a separate article (Men Rethink Your Orgasm) how orgasm and ejaculation are two separate physiological processes.
Learning to separate them can all but eliminate the problems of PE.
There is so much more I could share about the inner darkness that men with PE have to plough through and the impact this has on their relationships; maybe I’ll cover more at a later stage.
Thank you for reading my article.
I base all my articles on real case studies and research findings that are relevant to my clients. If would like to read future posts, please join us here.
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