As adults, one of the factors that contributes to our lack in self-confidence can be due to emotional rejection or neglect in our childhood. As children who have gone through these, we often grow up expecting the same treatment from others. We believe to a certain extent that this is how we should be treated. We lack confidence that others could develop interest in us for who we are. Therefore, stating our wants and needs can feel like we are only seeking for attention or even bothering others. Unfortunately, with this mindset, we end up suppressing our needs and wants, suffocating ourselves and increasing the emotional loneliness within us. When people with emotional loneliness seek the right therapy, they will be able to learn to accept how their self-confidence have been damaged, and from there, they will be encouraged that the problem is not them as a person, but the way they have been brought up and how they have learnt to view themselves. This will help them understand that it is normal to share their wants and needs in order to better connect with people.
Adding on, the result of low self-confidence is not always only caused by parental rejection. There are people out there who use their low self-confidence to push themselves to achieve the lives that they want, such as good careers or high level of achievements in areas that they are good at. They are also able to find emotionally mature partners, build long lasting relationships and create a family of their own. However, even though the current relationships that they have might fulfil their emotional needs, the residue of childhood trauma loneliness might still affect them in other forms such as nightmares, depression, anxiety and so on.
Sometimes, it seems like we can parent ourselves well as we grow, but the fact of the matter is that we can’t do it alone. We tend to hold on tightly to whatever emotional crumbs there is left because to us, some connection is better than none.